Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
