He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
if you like me you must not know who I am
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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