I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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