Buhtt sex?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
NoShamevember. You game?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
