my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
