Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
