Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
