Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
