I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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