What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
