Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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