Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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