....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize