NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
