she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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