I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
