I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize