Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
