If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize