I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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