im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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