You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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