Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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