I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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