If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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