At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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