I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
