No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
