If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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