So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
