We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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