it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
