Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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