her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize