Barsexuality is the new black.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
