just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
