Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
