Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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