im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Boobs speak an international language.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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