I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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