i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
