You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
