and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
