i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
