We named our party play list daddy issues
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
