apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
