its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
i think my cat just said my name.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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