Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
