I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
