So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
