How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize