and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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