ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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