i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
