Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just high enough for therapy.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
