You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I party with great urgency now.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
