Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
