bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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