im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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