No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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