you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
