He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
