You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
