It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Found the puke drawer
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
