i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
