You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
