Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize