remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
