yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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