Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
