Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
