i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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