I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
