we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
