someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
