Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
