I just made out with a guy for $7.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
