I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
