There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
