i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
