so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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