i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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