oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
