I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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