You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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