today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
