did you get engaged???
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
