You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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