every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
