you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
