i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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