Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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