I seem to have left my pride at pride
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
