Can Purell be used as lube?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
