How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
