"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
