that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
