If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize