I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Text me some of your sweat
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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