ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
