My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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