here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I checked into jail on foursquare
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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