Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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