i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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