Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
