one might say we're banned from that church
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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