so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
