I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
