do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
