if you like me you must not know who I am
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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