hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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